"And he rested the camels outside the city besides the well; it was evening, at the time when women go out to draw water." (Gen. 24:11)
A Suitable Host
When people travel, they like to stay with decent folk—kind, refined, the sort who put out fresh linens and don’t steal your shoes. That’s natural. A man on the road has his comforts to think about.
But when it comes to finding a spouse, well, that’s a different matter. Then, they seek out a different kind of host altogether. Not the dignified sort who serves tea in porcelain cups and refuses to utter a bad word about anyone. No, for that mission, they need the town’s leading experts in scandal—the ones who collect grudges like stamps and consider gossip a competitive sport. The kind of people who, if you pause in the conversation for half a second, will lean in conspiratorially and whisper, “You won’t believe what I’m about to tell you.”
Because when choosing a life partner, information is crucial. And where do you get information? Not from kind souls who always think well of their neighbors. No, you get it from those who know exactly who cheated whom in the marketplace, which families are locked in bitter court battles over an inheritance, and who mysteriously left town in the middle of the night.
So when you travel, stay with hosts who are discreet and decent. But when you’re searching for a spouse? Stay where the teapot is chipped, the conversation is sharp, and the truth—well, the truth is whatever was overheard last Tuesday at the butcher’s shop.
Why the Well?
Which is why, when Eliezer, Abraham’s trusted servant, arrived in Aram-Naharaim, he didn’t waste time checking the synagogue bulletin. He made a beeline for the well. Because if there’s one place in the ancient world (or the modern one, for that matter) where information flows faster than the water, it’s the local watering hole.
The well was the place for news. The maidservants, the shepherds, the water-drawers—they didn’t just fetch water; they dispensed intelligence. Who was engaged, who was feuding, who had mysteriously stopped showing up to family gatherings—if Eliezer wanted the full report on prospective brides for Isaac, this was the place to hear it.
Which brings us to a rather strange Midrash. Rav Huna says, "When a man goes to marry a woman and hears the sound of dogs barking, he listens to what they are saying. As it says, 'At the time when women go out to draw water.'" (Bereishit Rabbah, Chayei Sarah 12).
Now, you might ask: What do barking dogs have to do with finding a wife? Is this some lost ancient matchmaking technique?
Not exactly. What Rav Huna meant was this: Gossip is like the barking of dogs. Normally, a sensible person avoids both. But when marriage is on the line, one listens—not to believe everything, Heaven forbid, but to gather intelligence. There are things a person needs to know before marrying into a family, and sometimes the most important clues come not from the bride's relatives, but from the chatter around the well.Because love may be blind, but a wise matchmaker keeps an ear to the ground—and a well-placed informant or two.
(Adapted from Mishlei Yaakov, p. 45.)